


The Diary of Rey

by Narcissus_rose



Series: The Archives [2]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Brief mention of pregnancy in epilogue, But nobody is raped, Character Study, Crack Treated Seriously, Diary/Journal, F/M, Falling In Love, Fix-It, Fluff, Forbidden Love, Force Bond (Star Wars), I don't really want to call it crack because it was such a labor of love, Inappropriate Use of the Force, Mild Smut, Post-Star Wars: The Last Jedi, Rey Needs A Hug, Reylo babies, Romance, Secret Relationship, Soulmates, Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker Fix-It, Threats of Rape/Non-Con, Unreliable Narrator, but it is essentially crack, secret meet ups
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-17
Updated: 2020-08-27
Packaged: 2021-03-06 00:48:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 18,624
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25960822
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Narcissus_rose/pseuds/Narcissus_rose
Summary: deep within the Third Republic Historical Archives is two diary’s. one belonging to a sixteen year old rey, showing the earliest signs of a force bond between her and the former supreme leader Kylo Ren, the other belonging to a twenty year old Rey.chapter 1: reys life on Jakku as she sees ben through her dreamschapter 2: reys life in the resistance and how her relationship develops with ben through the force bond
Relationships: Kylo Ren/Rey, Poe Dameron/Finn, Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Series: The Archives [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1884244
Comments: 6
Kudos: 40





	1. Teen Rey

**Author's Note:**

> this work is part of a series, the first one being my previous work The Diary of Stormtrooper AL-3298.
> 
> a warning for this chapter: there is an implication of rape at certian points, however, nobody is raped, and it is only included to demonstrate the reality of the world that Rey lives in.

_[Third Republic Historical Archives_ ]

 **Item** : diary

 **Date** : 31 ABY

 **Affiliation** : none

 **occupation** : scavenger 

**Location** : Jakku

 **Name** : Rey

 **Sex** : female

[ _This diary belonged to Rey Solo, Resistance hero and Jedi when she was sixteen_ ]

[ _It is believed that the dreams experienced by the owner are the earliest hint at a force bond between her and Kylo Ren, former supreme leader, now known as Ben Solo_ ]

 _[Due to the nature of some of these dreams, it is not believed that Rey and Ben were sharing dreams, but rather seeing either visions of the future or seeing each other's likeness_ ]

[ _That is the theory put forward by Mr. and Mrs. Solo themselves_ ]

Hello there,

This is the first entry in the diary of Rey, a scavenger from Jakku. I found this notebook in one of the officer's chambers and it was completely empty so I decided to keep it. I went to Niima outpost to try and trade it for portions but Plutt didn't want it.

I guess I should think of a name for you, shouldn't I?

I don't want to just call you Diary; I feel like you should have a name that I can refer to. 

I guess I'll have to think of one.

I know.

Luna  


* * *

Dear Luna,

Today went much the same for me as most days, although I did finally get that engine part that was really difficult to get to. It took me about a week but I finally figured out how to pull it out and it was definitely worth it. I guess Plutt must have been in an especially good mood today because he gave me five whole portions for it, and two-quarter portions for the other things I found.

The only problem was that when Plutt gave me the five portions all the other scavengers began to watch my every move. I knew that they wouldn't try to attack me on their own, but I was worried that they might all band together and give it a go. Even without the extra portions, I worry that a group might decide to ambush me and take my finds, but today the way they were looking at me made me hold my staff just that bit tighter.

* * *

Dear Luna,

I dreamt about the man again last night.

I have been dreaming about him my whole life and I don't know who he is, except that he has a velvet voice and is clearly older than me. 

When I was young I would see him in what looked like a bedroom and watch him interact with other people, not even noticing me. As I got older he got older as well, although there would be some nights where he is younger than me and others where he looks like an old man, there appears to be a consistent age gap between us. When I was younger I played a much more observational role, but now I seem to be interacting with him, to the point where we could have a conversation.

“How old are you.” he asked me.

“Twenty,'' I said, which was odd as I'm only sixteen now, but the response was instinctive.

“Your young.”

“And you're old,” I retorted back. When I said that he smiled and ducked his head down as if to hide his reaction. When he smiled I felt an odd sort of warmth in my stomach and giddiness that I only get when Plutt decides to be generous with the portions.

After a moment of smiling at each other the dream ended and I was left with a strange sense of longing that I only feel when I think about my parents. It was still dark when I woke up but I knew sunrise would be soon, so I got up and made my way to the graveyard to begin a day's work while it was still cool outside.

* * *

Dear Luna,

Some travellers came to the outpost and needed repairs to be done on their ship so Plutt volunteered me. I was worried that I would spend the whole day working on their navigation system and have nothing to show for it, but the lady gave me some food and offered to give me some credits. I refused obviously, credits have no use here unless you're buying your way off. Instead, I told her that feeding me was enough of a thank you. 

After lunch, as she called it, she began to ask me about my life and who I live with. I've been asked those questions before by other scavengers and travellers, but that's usually to figure out exactly how easy it would be to take advantage of me, but this lady was asking in a way that seems more friendly than malevolent. When I told her that I've been alone since I was five she suddenly took me by the shoulders and told me that she and her wife could take me away from this dustball and give me a new life.

“Why would you do that?” I asked.

“You’re a young girl living in a wasteland, you shouldn't be alone like this,” she said.

“But I can't, I'm waiting for someone.”

“Kid…”

“They're coming back for me!” I shouted. That ended the conversation pretty quickly and I finished the work in silence.

When I told her that I was finished she handed me some portions that she had bought for me.

Fifteen portions.

I don't know how much it must have cost her, but at that moment all I could do was thank her and do my best to hide them from view. I feel like I should have turned them down, but at that moment all I could think of was how summer was fast approaching and I needed to stock up for the days that were so hot you couldn't move.

* * *

Dear Luna,

I dreamt about him again.

I've been finding that over time the dreams have become more sexual in nature. Of course, that's probably due to me being older and the fact at sixteen most people are a sea of raging hormones.

The strange thing about this dream though was how gentle he was. Growing up on Jakku you become pretty worldly fairly quickly, so when I saw the both of us naked I assumed that I was just going to lie down and grimace through it like most of the prostitutes at Niima outpost.

He slowly approached me and wrapped his arm around my waist while another cupped my jaw. He spent a moment just staring at me and smiling before he leant in and kissed me slowly, murmuring words of affection at intervals between kisses when we were catching our breath. Eventually, a bed appeared behind me and I guided him towards it. 

The act itself was over fairly quickly, but the way he held me after had me wishing that I would never wake up, so I could live in this dream for the rest of my life.

He kissed my forehead and told me he loved me.

It was the first time anyone had said that to me.

The only person to say they love me and he lives in my subconscious.

* * *

Dear Luna,

I think you are fast becoming a way for me to document my dreams, seeing as nothing interesting ever happens to me in the waking world. 

I managed to find some power converters today and I managed to get three portions for them. Plutt seemed pleased when I showed them to him.

That’s all I have to say for today’s events. I am writing this right before I go to sleep so maybe I’ll dream something interesting.

* * *

Dear Luna,

The dreams are getting more vivid.

Last night I dreamt that I was in a stone hut with a fire and the man was sitting across from me. I was telling him something and he was listening so attentively, in a way no one has before. I then reached my hand out and met his in the space between us. 

When we touched it was like a jolt of electricity went through my body, before I felt a sudden sense of hope and belonging. The dream ended after that.

I don’t remember what I was telling him other than it was incredibly personal, and in that moment I felt as if he was the only one who would understand.

The strange thing about these dreams is that this man shows me a gentleness that no man has shown me before. I see some of the older ones leering at me at Niima outpost like I’m a piece of meat they can’t wait to get their hands on, and Plutt has used me as a punching bag on occasions, but with this strange man, it’s as if I have dreamed up the most perfect man. He is always kind and never hurts me, and even in my more private dreams, he looks at me with such love and tenderness that, looking back, makes me want to cry.

I’ve never been in love before. I’ve never even been attracted to another living being, but with the stranger in my dreams, I feel like I might be.

* * *

Dear Luna,

Luna, you are my only friend on this dirtball. You're the only thing keeping me sane. Well, you and the knowledge that my parents are coming back. If I didn’t have that I don’t know what would become of me.

The problem with my parents is that I barely remember them and what they look like. Sometimes I worry though, that they did come back for me but I couldn’t recognize them, or they didn’t recognize me. It’s a fear that creeps up on me sometimes when I’m at the cleaning station and I see couples who have dropped by to pick up parts. Every time I wonder if I’m looking at my parents, but so much time has passed that we don’t even know each other.

I’ve been here for eleven years, six months and five days.

Sometimes when I am scratching a new mark on my wall I get angry. I’ll look up at how many marks I’ve made and get angry at them.

I’m angry that they left me here to rot on this dust ball with no one to protect me except myself. There have been plenty of young women and girls here who have fallen into the clutches of slavers; I’m one of the lucky ones who hasn’t, but when I think about what could have been I start to cry.

There are some long summer days where I imagine they never left me here and we explore the galaxy together. I would go to school and even have friends there. My best friend would tell me all her secrets and I would tell her mine. My mother would give me advice about boys and my father would grumble that none of them are good enough for me. We would live in a house, hidden behind green hills, with a stream flowing past it where we get out water from. I would be able to have baths and I would never feel hunger, instead, I would grow fat with all the food I have available.

But then I snap back to reality, and I am in my AT-AT all alone as my stomach grumbles with nothing to keep me full except the last of my portions.

I know they’re coming back for me.

I won’t die on this planet.

That I am sure of.

* * *

Dear Luna,

We had some travellers stop at the outpost today. That part isn’t unusual. What was unusual was the travellers themselves.

Their ship was clearly First Order with the insignia and unique design. They said that they needed repairs on the ship and asked Plutt if he had any mechanics, so I of course went up to them and said that I could help; recently Plutt has been giving me portions in view of the travellers so they don’t go up to him and demand I get paid. It’s happened a few times.

When I heard that they were looking for a mechanic I hadn’t actually seen what they look like, aside from large black capes. When I approached them I got a good look at their faces, only to see them covered by masks as they held a variety of weapons.

“You a mechanic, kid?” Said one modulated voice.

“Yes,” I told them, trying to hide the fear that was creeping up on me at the sight of them, “I work on a lot of the ships that come through here. What do you need me to do?” 

“Engine,” said another masked face, “we think there’s a leak that’s not showing up on the sensors.”

“I can have a look at that,” I told them as I marched off to their ship as quickly as I could, without it looking like I was running away from them.

I began looking at the engine immediately and realized that it was almost identical to the ones I see in imperial shuttles, only this one is built with a hyperdrive, whereas the ones in the graveyard aren’t. I spent most of the day working on it when I realized that the problem wasn’t an engine leak, but instead, it was a slow hyperdrive, which can be mistaken for a leak. 

As I was working I heard the six of them talking about their master and his dreams. It was an odd topic of conversation to be sure, but apparently, he gets punished for them. I couldn’t hear their conversation fully due to their hushed voices and masks, but I could figure out that he is dreaming about a girl and she is the only thing that breaks up his nightmares. The only problem with this girl is that when he dreams about her he is punished by his master.

Then they changed the topic to something else that was so strange I stopped what I was doing so I could listen.

“You can sense it can’t you?”

“Of course I can, we all can. It feels just like him, but lighter.”

“Should we do something about it, it is our mission after all.”

“On a wasteland like this? I don’t think she’ll even realize, so I don’t think we need to worry; and besides, Kylo isn’t exactly happy with us after the village incident, so I doubt that he'll be happy about us pulling anything here. And I doubt that he would ever cross paths with her, so we don’t have to worry about him finding out about her.”

“So we leave her?”

“Yes.”

“And we don’t tell him about her either.”

“Obviously.”

They didn’t speak again after that.

Once I finished I got five portions and they were on their way. After such a long day of work with no breaks all I wanted to do was open up one of the packs and eat when I got back here, but with the summer approaching I know that I have to save my potions for the days when the sand is so hot it can melt the souls of your boots.

So I’m writing in you Luna to distract myself from the hunger.

* * *

Dear Luna,

He came to me again, only this time I wasn’t met with the kind soul I am accustomed to, but something more sinister. We were in what I think was snow (I’m not really sure seeing as I’ve never seen it), and I saw him draped in black robes, not too dissimilar to the ones the masked travellers were wearing, and a weapon of jagged red light. 

I watched as he came towards me, swinging the weapon, trying to kill me. I had a weapon of my own, similar to his, and was trying to defend myself against the barrage of strikes aimed towards me. 

The strange thing about this dream was that it was just as vivid as the one in the stone hut. Sometimes dreams can be vague; you change from location to location in a matter of seconds, but when you need to run it suddenly feels slow and laborious. With this one, however, it felt as if I was actually living it, making it all the more terrifying. 

For some reason I feel like this should colour my view of him, like because my own subconscious has decided to turn him into something intimidating I should see him like that. I don’t. I still wish that he was real, and I’ll still look forward to sleeping at night in the hopes that I’ll see him again because the mornings after I dream of him I feel less lonely.

I feel like there is someone who cares for me and is waiting for me.

* * *

Dear Luna,

Plutt has somehow managed to get his grubby hands on the biggest pile of garbage freighter that I have ever seen. He sent his men out to find me this morning to tell me not to bother going to the graveyard because he wants me to do repairs on the ship and it will probably take me at least a week.

After a cursory look I think that I will have to sleep there, which is why I am back here, so I can pick up supplies to live there for the next week.

I am nervous about sleeping so close to the outpost, but luckily my cycle just started so I’ll just let the blood, stain my clothes. That usually wards off any prying eyes. 

I’m afraid I might not be able to write in you for a while so I’ll see you again soon.

* * *

Dear Luna,

I finished working on the ship.

I don’t get why Plutt doesn’t just sell it for parts, most of it is so old that if you wanted to repair most of it you would have to build the specific part for it yourself. As I was working on it I found that it had three different droid brains wired in as well as the name of the previous owner engraved in the crew quarters. After I finished working for the day I would take some time to look around and on one of the bunks, I saw someone had engraved the words “Bens bed” above the mattress.

I wonder what this Ben is doing now.

* * *

Dear Luna, 

The dreams are still growing more vivid, each time it feels like I am living it, and when I wake up it feels less like a dream and more like a memory.

The dream began with me in bed and him behind me, with his arm wrapped around my waist. 

“Good morning sweetheart,” he said with a slight rasp.

“Good morning,” I responded as I moved my hand to lace my fingers with his.

“I was talking to the other sweetheart,” he responded lightly. Unsure of what he meant I turned over to face him, only to see the smiling face of a young girl with thick black hair and freckles peeking over his shoulder. I moved away from him slightly to allow the girl to climb over him and lie down between the two of us.

“Mommy,” she whispered as she faced me, and I reached over to hold her close to me, “I'm going to school today.” she said with pride.

“Yes, you're all grown up now,” I responded, as I kissed her forehead, while the man looked at me as if to say ‘she's growing up so fast.’

The rest of the dream continued with the three of us lying there in quiet contentment before I actually woke up. Alone.

I never imagined myself as a mother, I've imagined my own mother and what she would look like, but I've never thought of myself as one. The strange thing was, was that I have been dreaming about the man my whole life, but only now do I dream about us being parents. I understand all the sex dreams (I am sixteen), but not once did I imagine parenthood with him, or to be so content and happy. In my real life, I Would never have children, its practically a death sentence here, but if he were real there's a part of me that would reconsider, just so I could feel the way I did in that dream.

* * *

Dear Luna,

This dream was different.

This dream was dark.

It began with the man inside a small home as he towered above the occupant, who was cowering in the corner. Usually, with my dreams, I'm an active participant, but this time I was just a passive viewer, the same way I was when I was a child, watching the horror unfold in front of me.

I couldn't see the man's face, just his back, but somehow I knew that it was him, despite the cloak and mask.

“Where is he?” he roared in a modulated voice as the man below him, crouching in the ground, whimpered.

“I-I told you,” said the smaller man, “I haven't seen him since Yavin IV before he disappeared when you were still known as-”

“Enough!” he shouted, as he ignited a jagged red blade, hovering it close to the man's neck, “Now, you will tell me where either he or the map is, or I'll see your head part ways with your body.”

“I told you, I don't know, I-” he never finished his sentence. The man killed him before he had the chance to finish. I didn't actually see it happen, but as he walked away I saw a decapitated head on the floor; lips still moving as if he were still speaking, slowly getting surrounded by a pool of dark, thick blood. The head blinked at me and I ran out of the house in fear.

As I ran I tripped over what I thought was a log, only to look down and see the dead body of an old man in brown robes and grey hair. I stifled a scream and kept running, past more horrifyingly mutilated bodies, until I saw the man again, standing with six other masked figures, all holding weapons that were now stained with blood.

As I got closer I realized that they were the same masked travellers from Niima outpost.

“I told you to watch them, not massacre them,” the man said angrily.

“Your man didn't have any information, and they were starting to get restless. What did you expect us to do?”

“Make an example of one of them, not slaughter everyone!” he shouted. After a moment of silence, they made their way back to their ship and boarded, ending the dream.

Each of these dreams feel different from regular ones, but also each other; when we were fighting I was in the moment and an active participant, aware that I was dreaming, when we had the child there was a sense of inevitability about the scene that I hadn’t felt with any of the others, in the hut I felt a strange sense of belonging, but with this one, it felt like I was unable to do anything as I watched what was going on in my own dream. It felt like I wasn’t actually there like I was watching a holo.

I woke up drenched in sweat and crying for the man in my mind.

* * *

Dear Luna,

I was attacked today. Some scavengers cornered me, trying to take my days find.

eight men were surrounding me, taunting me, trying to approach me and take my bits of scrap. I could tell that they were reaching for sharp objects they had concealed in their clothes, so I grabbed my find and ran into the fallen star destroyer and tried to climb back up to the top. They immediately chased after me as I ran and climbed up to a ledge that was high enough for me to be safe. I was under no illusions as to what would happen if I was caught.

“Come on down sweetheart,” said Marcus Terra, the leader of the pack, and a man to be avoided at all costs if you are a young woman, “we don’t want to hurt you, just want you to share a bit of your find. You always seem to have the best luck at finding things, maybe you should share that luck around.”

As they laughed I tried to think of a way out, I couldn’t distract them, I wouldn’t be able to stay there all night, and I certainly wasn’t giving them any of my find. 

“Right sweetheart,” he continued, “why don’t you pass us some of those circuit boards, and I promise that if you do, no harm will come to you. That’s a fair deal isn’t it?”

“I know your lying Terra,” I spat back, “why else would you bring your henchmen along. You know you can’t intimidate me on your own.”

“Is that any way to talk to your elders? Accuse an honest man such as myself, of lying and intimidation?” He questioned, “Well, as we are unable to reach an agreement I am afraid that I am going to have to force your hand here. Bill!” As he sent one of my other assailants up after me, the fear truly began to set in.

I was alone there with someone climbing up to bring me down. As he began to climb the others began to jeer at me. Unfortunately, the ledge wasn’t large enough for me to stand back and push him off with my staff when he got near me. No, I had my toes dangling off the edge with a man climbing up to me. As I clutched my staff I began to jab it downwards hoping to hit him on the head or his fingers, when he grabbed it and pulled it out of my hands.

When I watched it fall to the ground I looked behind me and saw that the rest of the wall was a virtually flat surface and I would have no chance of climbing it without a wire. As I looked the man grabbed my ankle and pulled, sending me crashing back down to earth. Luckily my feet caught me before I fell on to my behind.

As I looked at the men around me I saw Terra approach me like an animal would its prey. He yanked me onto my feet and pinned me against the wall behind, bringing his face near mine. He smiled slightly as if relishing a victory as I began to choke back tears of fear.

“You think you’re real clever, don’t you? Trying to run from me like that. Well I-” before he could finish speaking he and all the men around him began coughing and clawing at their throats like there was an invisible hand around them. I was too frightened to move as I watched their eyes grow large and faces turn purple. Then they began to fall, one by one, with Terra last, looking at me in fear.

Once they had all fallen I grabbed my find and went back to Niima outpost, pretending it never happened. I’m only telling you Luna to try and make sense of it all.

I didn’t check to see if they were dead.

I know they are.

* * *

Dear Luna,

He came to me in my dream again, only this time he wasn’t as dark as before, and there was no fear. No, it was calm and I was happy.

It started with me sitting in a field under a tree. I was wearing a long pink dress, like the one I saw on a traveller one time, and I was picking the flowers around me. Then he appeared from behind the trunk, giving me a fright. We both laughed about it and then he sat down next to me.

First he ran his hands through my hair, which I was wearing loose, telling me how beautiful I looked, and how much he loves me. Then he began to kiss me.

The strange thing about dreams is how overly sensitive everything is. When he kissed me it was like my lips were on fire, and the taste of his mouth had me wanting to initially pull away. I don’t know if that would be my actual reaction, seeing as I’ve never kissed anyone before, but I powered through until it became rather pleasant. I was enjoying kissing him so much I almost didn’t notice how he was slowly lifting my dress above my head.

Once it was off so were his clothes and he slowly lowered me down onto my back. As he climbed on top of me he smiled and caressed my cheek.

“I love you so much,” he said in his hypnotic timbre, “gods Rey, I love you.” The next part he said as he kissed me more deeply and lovingly than he ever had in my dreams.

As he began to push himself inside me; it all felt like it was too much, and that I was overwhelmed by the feeling, but soon it ebbed and was more enjoyable and I felt less like I was overstimulated. I know that that’s not how it feels in real life, but I guess everything in a dream is heightened to a certain degree.

After it was over we lay side by side, “I’ll take you away from here,” he said, “I’ll show you the galaxy, I’ll help you find your parents and we can be a family. The four of us can be together and we’ll all be happy, you’ll see.”

“Will I know my family?” I asked.

“Yes,” he said, “and they’ll love you and tell you how much they’ve missed you. They’re out there.”

“What about you? What will they think of you?”

“They won’t like me at first, they think I’ve corrupted you,” I laughed at that and so did he, “but then they’ll see how happy we make each other and over time, they come to understand.”

It was a beautiful fantasy. I hadn’t even noticed that I had started crying until he took his thumb and wiped away a tear.

“I love you,” I whispered through tears as he held me tighter.

I woke up crying.

* * *

Dear Luna,

I guess in my excitement to have you I never looked at how many pages were in you. As I am writing this I know that this will be the last time I talk to you, so I’ll make it brief.

You have been a wonderful friend to me, listening to everything I have said and not judging me. You know about the man I dream about, the man who does both terrible and wonderful things, you know about the eight dead men in the star destroyer and everything else. 

I know that I don’t have much room left so I have decided to leave you on the freighter that I spent that week working on. I know that it’s not a particularly nice ship, but it will probably be sold soon and you will get to see the galaxy. 

So to whoever is reading this when you find it, hello my name is Rey, I’m sixteen and just a lonely girl on Jakku. If you have gotten to this point then I ask you to take Luna on all your adventures, let her see a galaxy that I can’t. Show her all that is green and beautiful. That’s all I ask of you.

Signed, 

Rey


	2. Adult Rey

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> now we follow Rey aged twenty and her relationship with Ben after Crait.
> 
> also this is the chapter that ties in with my previous work in the series so i recommend that you read that first if you haven't already.

[ _Third Republic Historical Archives_ ]

 **Item** : diary  
**Date** : 34-35 ABY  
**Affiliation** : Resistance  
**occupation** : Jedi  
**Location** : unknown  
**Name** : Rey  
**Sex** : female

[ _this is the second diary belonging to Rey Solo, Resistance hero and Jedi_ ]

[ _this diary is shown to document her relationship with former supreme leader Kylo Ren, now Ben Solo, through their force bond_ ]

[ _this diary is dated as having been started one month after the battle of Crait_ ]

Dear Luna,

Hello Luna, it's me, Rey.

In all honesty I thought that the day I left you on the Falcon would be the last time I ever saw you. As it turns out, Plutt wasn’t too keen on selling it, where you and it remained on Jakku until me and Finn boarded escaping the TIE’s that were shooting at us.

When I found you tucked away in the captain’s quarters I thought that I would cry, especially as it was the same day that the entirety of the Resistance escaped Crait by the skin of their teeth. When Leia found me holding you as tears crept down my face, she was immediately worried.

It’s strange Luna, having someone worry about your wellbeing. It’s strange to feel that someone would go out of their way to make you feel better, even if it inconveniences them. Leia certainly had better things to be doing, and better things to worry about; she lost her husband and brother all in the space of a few days, but here she was, putting an arm around my shoulder as I silently wept, having found one of the few things in my childhood that brought me comfort.

When she asked me why I was crying I told her that it was because I was happy to have something that was precious to me. It was only a half-lie, the truth is far more painful. As I read over my entries I saw a part about my parents and the life I had dreamed up for myself. I think that I have always known the truth about them, that they didn’t want me, but in my grief as a child I told myself that they were coming back for me.

Because what child wants to wake every day, knowing that the people who were supposed to love her unconditionally sold her to pay for a moment's pleasure, condoning her to a life of misery.

It’s only when Ben made me face the truth on the Supremacy, did my illusion fully shatter into a million ugly pieces.

He of course was the other thing I was crying about. You see Luna, as time went on my dreams of the mystery man continued, but his image faded from my mind every morning, leaving me with only a vague sense of familiarity. As I read through the descriptions of my dreams, I came to realize just who my dream man was.

Ben Solo.

I have dreamt about him my whole life, even having visions of our future together (fighting on Starkiller and touching hands in the hut), I found his name engraved above his bed when I was doing repairs on his fathers' ship, I have a force bond with him.

The force must have a really sick sense of humour.

After comforting me Leia said that she would get me a new notebook to write in, saying that she used to have one when she was my age.

I thanked her and after finally getting settled on the base she presented me with you, which I keep next to my old one.

* * *

Dear Luna,

Poe seems to have really taken to the idea of having a Jedi as part of the Resistance.

Every day when I’m not pouring over the Jedi texts he’s approaching me, trying to use me in recruiting material. Overnight I have become some kind of saint to them, all because Ben is claiming that I killed Snoke.

After a day of trying to avoid Poe I managed to sneak away into the Falcon for a moment's peace, only to be interrupted by the force bond, as Ben appeared in front of me, looking like he hadn't slept in days.

“We can’t keep ignoring each other every time this happens, you know,” he said, sounding thoroughly exhausted.

“Well most times it connects I have been busy.”

“Working for the Resistance?”

“Yes.”

“Are you happy?” He asked mournfully, the question giving me pause, despite the bitterness in his voice.

“What does it matter to you?” In all honesty Luna, I’m not sure whether or not I am happy here. I’ve been working almost nonstop, Poe’s desperate for his Jedi poster girl, studying the texts, repairing ships and attending meetings with Leia. I really shouldn’t be complaining about the amount of work I have to do, at least I get to eat every day.

“You know my offer still stands.”

“Your offer to rule the galaxy with a little nobody whose parents didn’t care about, but only you do?” I asked bitterly.

“You know that’s not what I meant.”

“Really?” I asked sardonically. The bond ended there and I was left with a strange sense of loneliness, even though he is the last person I want to interact with.

I want to hate him. I also want to have the man in my dreams back. All I feel is conflict. He has done terrible things, killed innocents without a second thought; I should hate him, but then I think of the man that told me that I’m not alone, I think of the man who lives in my dreams at night, and I can’t help but feel compassion for him. There is another part of me that worries that any feelings I hold for him are leftover from my days on Jakku when he was a perfect stranger who could do no wrong in my eyes that I desperately want to keep alive. I worry that it is an idealized version of him that clouds my judgment. I worry that he, the one sacred thing of mine, that was only mine, was a fantasy, like everything else.

* * *

Dear Luna,

When the galaxy found out that Kylo Ren was the new Supreme Leader, recruitment went through the roof. It’s gotten to the point where people are having to share rooms with each other. I decided to give up my room for the new recruits. It was nice having my own bed but I’d rather sleep on the Falcon.

Rose decided to give up her room as well so we both are sharing the Falcon, making it our little home.

It’s odd living with someone else, sharing a space, but I’m finding that I’m also rather enjoying it. Just last week Rose introduced me to one of her guilty pleasures; romance Holos.

When I asked her what she was reading one evening she blushed and said, “Lady Dalmard’s Lover,” when I gave her a confused look she bashfully explained, “it’s a romance holo. It’s about a rich aristocrat who falls in love with one of her gardeners. It’s quite a famous one, I’m surprised you haven’t heard of it.” I shook my head and explained that I was one of the few people on Jakku who could read and write, so the steamy romance section of the library wasn’t something that I was exposed to often.

She then blushed further and said that she has a whole collection and that I can read them any time. So far she seems to enjoy just watching me read them, expecting me to be shocked by the subject matter.

Seeing as I received the sex talk from a prostitute at Niima outpost, and would occasionally witness the act out in the open, it is very hard to shock me. Still, Rose persists.

“Alright,” Rose said to me yesterday, “seeing as you cannot be shocked by anything I am giving you the absolute raunchiest one of them all.”

“You do realize that I would turn a corner and see a prostitute with her client out in the open right? One of them even said hi to me while they were doing it.” I told her casually.

“Gods that is horrifying,” Rose said as she passed me to holo, and I laughed at her reaction.

I was wrong though.

Turns out I can be shocked.

* * *

Dear Luna,

There was an attack on the Resistance today. Everyone managed to get away and nobody was injured, which was good. I guess I should have expected it at some point, seeing as we are at war with each other, but it still came as a shock.

Leia was very quiet as we made our escape, choosing just to stare at a ring on her finger the whole flight.

As I settled into my room for the night, on edge after the attack, I felt the bond begin to hum to life.

We sat in silence mostly. I couldn’t look at him or speak to him. I guess I thought to myself that because Ben was at the helm that things would be different- that he wouldn’t attack us. I guess there was some egotistical part of me that hoped that he wouldn’t attack me after the throne room where he saved my life.

“I didn’t order it, it was Hux, he went behind my back,” he said, breaking the silence. I was still so mad at him that I didn’t respond, “Please say something.”

“If he’s going to go behind your back, why don’t you just get rid of him?” I asked bitterly.

“You know I can’t do that.”

“Why?”

“Because too many of the upper ranks are loyal to him. I’m doing my best to sideline him but that takes time; if I were to demote or get rid of him entirely, it would just lead to a coupe, and the last thing the galaxy needs is to be under the rule of Hux.” While I understood his reasoning, I didn't have it in me to respond, instead, I just sat in silence as he said “I’m sorry.” After that, the bond faded and I was left alone.

Is it odd Luna, that he has done far more terrible things than this, which he had no part in, and even though nobody was hurt, I feel like I will never forgive him for this? I know that it’s petty, but for some reason, I don’t want to forgive him for this. Maybe I’m just focusing my anger on this event rather than everything else.

At the same time Poe has been railing on about how this attack proves that he is an irredeemable monster and I have been holding back the urge to defend him.

What’s wrong with me Luna?

* * *

Dear Luna,

Is it strange to feel like you're completely alone, even though you are surrounded by your friends, and people you care about?

Every day I just feel so cut off from them; like if I disappeared they wouldn’t even notice that I’m gone. I always thought on Jakku that when you are with other people that you don’t feel lonely, and maybe that’s true with everyone else, but for some reason, I just feel like I don’t fit in.

I’m close with Rose, but having moved to a new base with more space, we no longer share the Falcon. Because of that I feel like there is suddenly this wall between us and that those few months together were the closest we’ll ever be, and we will never have that again. She still shares romance Holos with me, but now even reading about that makes me sad.

Every time I read about two happy people in love I feel like there is something very wrong with me because I haven’t had that. I’m twenty and I’ve never had sex and I’ve never been kissed, but reading about others do that is making me wonder if there is something inherently wrong with me.

Am I too ugly?

Am I too boring?

Is it my personality?

Either way I’m starting to think that I’m just unlovable.

On Jakku, men only saw me as an object, not as a person. I don’t think they even cared about what I looked like, as long as I was young. They never cared about me or who I was. Nobody did.

My parents didn’t love me, so why should anyone else?

* * *

Dear Luna,

I saw him again in the flesh.

I was on a mission for the resistance on Yavin IV when I felt his presence approaching. I knew that he could feel me and there was no escaping. I couldn’t run away, because he would find me, so I just kept walking hoping that we would avoid running into each other.

I wasn’t as afraid as I should have been. Our meeting here felt almost inevitable and like there was no point in me avoiding it.

When I did see him he was flanked by three stormtroopers and we just stood there staring at each other. For some reason when I saw him, rather than hate him like I thought I would the next time I saw him, I felt an overwhelming sense of longing; something I think he was feeling as well.

I was surprised that the troopers didn’t try and shoot me, it’s what I would have done, so it came as less of a surprise when he declared that he wouldn’t fight me without a weapon. There was something in his voice that was almost tender when he said that I know he wouldn’t try to kill me.

He’s right though. I know that he would never try to kill me; it’s why I didn’t run from him the moment I sensed his presence nearby. After a moment he sent away his three (thoroughly confused) stormtroopers, leaving us alone in that small clearing.

“Why did you send them away?” I asked, in an oddly soft voice.

“I don’t know,” he confessed, “I guess I want to talk to you.”

“About what?”

“Your lightsaber,” he said after a moment's contemplation, “it’s still broken, I could help you if you like.” I would have turned him down, but he was so genuine in his offer, I decided to listen. He suggested that I refashion it into a staff, a weapon I am more comfortable with, and disregarded the old hilt altogether. I might like to keep it for posterity, but other than that it is effectively useless.

He continued to help me understand the inner workings of a lightsaber, with an enthusiasm I have never seen in him before. I could tell he was holding information back though. When I asked him why he just said that I needed to figure some things out for myself.

After that, we fell into an awkward silence, not sure what to do or say. For a while we just remained on the edge of the river where we were seated, watching the wind blow through the trees and the water dance around the rocks.

“How old are you?” He asked, reminding me of a very familiar scene in a dream many years ago. When he said it I felt a strange sense of hope bubbling up within me, like all the dreams where he was tender and loving are not completely unachievable.

“Twenty,” I said.

“You’re young.”

“And you're old,” I retorted back, and just like in the dream When I said that he smiled and ducked his head down as if to hide his reaction.

“How old are you?” I asked.

“Thirty.”

“Wow,” I said in mock amazement, “you really are old,” as I said that he nudged me slightly for the dig. After that we fell into an easier conversation, it wasn’t simple and flowing, but it was filled with less tension with each pause. I don’t think either of us is good at holding conversations, but we were trying.

He told me about his security troopers Emily, Bomb and Alan and I told him about the time I met the Knights of Ren, bar him.

When I told him about their conversation that I overheard, he suddenly went very tense and quiet.

“They talked about my dreams?”

“Yes,” I said, “they mentioned that their master was being punished for his dreams and that they sensed something that was like you but much lighter. I think that they planned on killing her but decided against it because they didn’t think it would be an issue.”

“It was you,” he said, staring mournfully into the distance, “the dreams I was having all had you in them, and you're the light that they sensed. Although I think that you’ve already figured that out for yourself.” It wasn’t a question. As I nodded he looked as if he wanted to say something but couldn’t find the words. Eventually, we moved the conversation along until sundown and we realized that it was time for us both to go.

It only struck me when I got to the Resistance just how stupid I was. I spent the whole day with Kylo Ren, Supreme Leader of the First Order, the very man I was trying actively working against. If the Resistance knew they would probably lock me up, at best. Leia would probably forgive me; I get the sense that she has already forgiven him.

Still, despite how terrible an idea it was to fraternize with the enemy, I keep feeling this draw towards him that makes me want to have another afternoon filled with tense conversation and long pauses.

For that afternoon I didn’t feel like I was alone. For once somebody cared.

* * *

Dear Luna,

Whenever the bond opens now, everything feels much friendlier than before. He will tell me about his day and I will tell him about the ships I fixed.

It's far more amiable than it was before I saw him on Yavin IV. I don't feel this overwhelming need to hate him, instead, I'm just feeling how I want. It still hurts to hear people speak about him as if he was some monster, especially when they say it in front of Leia. I can see it breaks her heart to hear this being said about her son, and I desperately want to tell her about the bond, but Ben asked me not to, so I have to respect that.

The bond seems to have a habit of opening very suddenly at the most inconvenient times, today it happened when I was in my room reading one of the romance’s Rose let me borrow.

“What are you reading?” he asked, making me blush profusely.

“Something my friend gave me,” I said avoiding eye contact. At that he angled himself so he could see the screen of my holopad before I could turn it away from him.

“The Prince?” he said as he read the title, with a mischievous air to his voice, “never pegged you as the kind of person who would be into that.”

“You know it?” I said in shock that the supreme leader of the First Order knew about some trashy romance holo.

“It came out when I was sixteen/seventeen; all the girls at the academy were reading it. Once they managed to piece together that my mother was a princess they began calling me a prince.” when he said that I began to blush even harder, although this time in embarrassment, as Ben clearly didn't know the plot of ‘The Prince’.

Now Luna, the story follows a prince who is being pressured by his parents to marry, despite his disinterest in doing so. While the king and queen think that their notoriously grumpy and antisocial son (you can see where the girls were drawing their comparisons) is simply disobedient, in truth he has no interest in all the wealthy ladies that they shove in front of him as he is in love with his bodyguard. A young Jedi girl who was sworn to protect him. The story follows the love affair between two forbidden lovers; the tall, dark and brooding prince, and the innocent Jedi, torn between love and duty.

I can understand why they would enjoy the story so much. It allows them to live vicariously through the Jedi Amra, as someone who can have a moment of weakness that ultimately ends with a happily ever after. Ben had told me that while attachments were not openly encouraged, they were not completely banned, but they did not encourage them to find love.

I decided that it would be best if I don't tell him the full story or the fact that the story opens with a graphic sex scene, which is one of many.

“Do you have any guilty pleasures?” I asked as he quirked an eyebrow at me, “I read romance holos, surely you have a guilty pleasure of some kind. Or do you spend all your spare time brooding?” That made him give the faintest hint of a smile.

After a moment of contemplation he said, “calligraphy,” now it was my turn to be surprised, “when I have some downtime I like to take out my calligraphy set. At the moment I'm working on writing down a play from around five hundred years ago, it's one of my favourites.” I was going to ask him what play it was but the bond cut off suddenly and I could feel his annoyance from the other end. From what I could gather, someone had interrupted.

After a moment I decided to put down the holo and get to work on my lightsaber. I have been working on it nonstop and I know that Resistance command is getting impatient waiting for it to be done so they can throw me onto a battlefield against Kylo Ren.

* * *

Dear Luna,

The bonds continue to be friendly, and conversation is coming more easily. We do argue occasionally, we argue about the war, the Jedi, the Resistance, the First Order, but at the end of it all, despite the odd fight, I look forward to seeing him.

It doesn't feel like enough though. I want to see him in the flesh, not through stolen moments in the bond, like Yavin IV.

Last night I had wet hair after coming out of the shower. When the bond connected (thankfully I had gotten dressed beforehand) Ben offered to braid my hair. I sat down in front of him cross-legged and he knelt behind me as he twisted and folded my hair into what he called a simple plait. He told me that Leia taught him how to braid her hair when he was young, teaching him all the different meanings of different styles.

“What does this one mean?” I asked as he finished.

“Nothing,” he said, after a moment's hesitation, “it doesn't have any particular meaning. It was the braid that my mother would wear to bed, and judging by the nightclothes, you are about to do the same.”

It's strange Luna, how over the months we have formed this friendship. I feel like I can tell him anything, well almost anything. I don't think that I would be able to tell him about how I dream about him still, I don't think that I can tell him that I dream about the both of us falling into bed together, making love all night. I can't tell him that every time I see him I want to crush our lips together.

I can't tell him that I love him.

* * *

Dear Luna,

I finished working on my lightsaber yesterday. Ben was right, a staff does suit me much better than a sword ever could.

When the bond connected, it felt stronger than it had on previous occasions. It was like the time in the hut on Ach-to when we touched hands. I could see some of his surroundings in my room.

I could see a cup of water that belonged to him on my desk, there was a pair of black leather boots at the foot of my bed, and I saw a black holo pad with the First Order symbol lying on my bed. As I glanced around my room I didn’t see any of my meagre possessions missing, so I surmised that both of our worlds were blurring together somehow.

The problem Luna, is that yesterday we also had a massive fight, so everything felt very awkward. In a way the blending of our two worlds made it feel like the force was trying to force us together. Ben must have picked up on this because he asked about the progress of my lightsaber.

Once that short conversation was over we fell into another tense silence.

“I wish this war would end,” I said, even though that sentiment started yesterday’s argument.

“Do you want to get into that debate again?”

I said I didn’t and that I just wanted to see him again. He went on to explain his plan for wiping out the Resistance.

He wants to provide aid to Outer Rim worlds that suffered most under Snoke. He doesn’t want to fight us, he just wants to render us useless.

He really is his mother's son.

I told him as much.

* * *

Dear Luna,

I think today was the happiest day of my life.

When the force connected us it was late at night. I couldn’t sleep so I snuck out to a clearing in the jungle and sat outside, looking up at the stars. The stars on Ajan Kloss are different from the ones on Jakku. Sometimes I look up and search for the constellation of the hunter, which was always my favourite on Jakku, only to be met with unfamiliar patterns. I don’t mind the change, it’s rather comforting actually.

When the bond opened he was lying beside me in his sleep clothes.

“Hello,” he said softly, turning his head slightly to look at me.

“Hi,” I said back, smiling at him before I looked back up at the sky above.

“I can feel a breeze, and I’m going to guess that it’s not from my end.”

“I can't sleep so I came outside to look at the stars,” I said, “when I couldn’t sleep as a child I would go outside and create stories about the constellations.” When I turned to look at him, something about his demeanour had changed. I could see his hand creep towards my arm. I pretend not to notice.

“You’re cold,” he said, voice full of worry.

“A little,” I admitted, my voice trembling slightly. By this point something had shifted; I could feel my heart begin to race and my cheeks warm, despite my shaking from the cold.

“I can warm you if you would like,” as he spoke his voice trembled as well.

“Okay,” I shuffled towards him and he wrapped his arms around me. We lay there for a moment, not sure what to say. I didn’t know if I should speak or enjoy the fact that his arms were wrapped tenderly around me.

“Rey,” his voice was barely a whisper, “you’re not nothing. I was wrong on the Supremacy, you have never been nothing. I should have never even suggested that.” As he spoke it felt like there was something else he wanted to tell me, but couldn’t.

“You're not a monster either,” I said, turning my head to face him, “you’re a good man, Ben Solo.”

“Rey…” he turned his head and now our faces were mere inches apart. I could feel his warm breath in my face as his breathing became more rapid, “there’s something I need to say.”

He turned over so that we were both lying on our sides but he was still holding me in his arms.

“What is it?” I asked as he tucked a lock of hair behind my ear. At that moment something compelled me to place a hand on his cheek. I didn’t even think about it, I just did it, and as my palm touched his skin his eyes fluttered shut for just a moment.

“Rey,” he looked deeply into my eyes before he uttered the next three life-changing words that I have longed to hear.

“I love you.”

Then without even thinking I pulled myself towards him and kissed him.

It was like every secret and shameful desire I ever had, had been realized and for a moment I worried that it was just a perfect, beautiful dream. Then he kissed me back and I knew it was real.

As we pulled away from each other he smiled at me as I felt tears of joy threaten to make themselves known to him.

“I love you too,” I said and we kissed again more deeply and passionately than I could have ever imagined.

I don’t even remember falling asleep. I only remember waking up in the clearing after having the best night's sleep of my life.

* * *

Dear Luna,

Sometimes I don't think that I'm exactly what the Resistance wants me to be. Sometimes I think that they wanted Luke Skywalker but settled for me instead, but decided to treat me as if I was him. They want me to make rousing speeches against the First Order and the tyranny of Kylo Ren, but I can't do it when he's making so many positive changes to the galaxy. Poe says that it's to lull everyone into a false sense of security, but I know that it isn't.

Sometimes I wish that I took his hand when he offered it to me. I told him as much last night, but we both agreed that it wouldn't have worked. Still, sometimes I imagine that I'm his queen on a star destroyer, with the galaxy at my fingertips and Ben at my side. Then I wake up to reality fairly quickly, and I know that it's for the best that I turned it down.

The only person who really seems to understand my stress is Finn. He's being propped up as the former stormtrooper who witnessed first hand Kylo Ren's cruelty. The difference with Finn is that he is more willing to speak of Ben's cruelty, and not being propped up as a living saint the way they do with me. Finn is allowed to be human.

They think that because I'm reading the sacred texts of a dead religion that I am automatically something to be put on a pedestal and worshipped. I'm not. I'm just a girl barely out of childhood who has been thrown into a world that was never hers, to begin with. I got drinks with Rose a few days ago and one of the older Resistance members who has been in the fight since the Rebel Alliance looked at me with horror. Then this decrepit old man walked up to me and said, “should you really be doing that? Shouldn't you be setting an example, not drinking yourself to stupidity?” at that Rose went off on him for being so rude. I was grateful, although she did get a little scary.

I guess that it just proves that I'm expected to be some model of virtue, without her vices. They all think that because I’m young I’m some innocent little girl who doesn’t know the ways of the galaxy. I’m not innocent.

I stopped being a child the day my parents sold me.

My childhood ended the first time I nearly starved to death. I was six.

I stopped being innocent the day I killed a man when I was thirteen because he tried to pull me into a tent. That was the day I wrapped my breast bands a little tighter around my chest.

Jakku isn’t a place for innocents, it’s hell. A hell that I lived through.

I had to get the contraceptive implant in secret because I knew that people would probably have an apoplectic fit if they found out, even though it's to control my cycles.

Sometimes I wonder what their reaction would be if I defended Ben in front of everyone. If I told them that he's a good man. If I told them that we have a bond and that I love him.

Of course those that don't think that I'm Luke Skywalker reborn don't trust me and my powers. They avoid me if they can, preferring to look from afar.

I’m so alone.

* * *

Dear Luna,

I genuinely can't believe that I've done this. It's absolutely crazy.

It all started when the force connected me and Ben last week. In between all the kissing, he said that he wished that he could see me, so I said that we should sneak away somewhere in secret. At the time I wasn't being serious, but the way he looked at me when I said it made me wonder if it was possible.

He immediately jumped on the idea, trying to figure out how it would work and what our collective excuses would be.

So two nights ago I told Leia and Poe that the force is calling me away and I need to find out what it is. They both agreed, and the moment the approval left their lips I ran to the hanger and grabbed a ship (not the Falcon, it's too distinctive) and took off.

The meeting spot itself was discrete, a small village in the countryside of Naboo that's known for its appeal to young couples, so we wouldn't look out of place.

I didn't actually know where we were going to be going so I stayed by the ship as instructed. When I saw a small family shuttle land next to mine, I knew it was him and ran outside to meet him. The moment the doors were opened I ran up to him and held him as close as possible.

“I missed you,” I said as I held him close, breathing in his scent as he kissed the top of my head.

“I missed you too,” then he bent down to kiss me. As he pulled away we both beamed at each other, finally together, even if only for two days. I love seeing him smile because when he does I know that it's genuine. As we walked into the village I only just began to notice that he wasn't in his supreme leader garb, instead, he was dressed in civilian clothes. If I didn't know it was him, he would have been hard to recognize.

The room he booked for us was small, with a view of the town square where a small stage was set up and people were putting up ribbons and other decorations.

“It's for the festival later,” he said as he stood behind me with his arms wrapped around my waist.

“Can we go?” I asked.

“Of course,” he said as he kissed my temple and led me out of the room so we could explore the town.

“Aren't you worried that someone will recognize you?” I asked as we milled around the shops and the narrow winding streets.

“Force trick,” he said, “makes people less perspective to your appearance. The costume also helps.”

“I think it looks good on you.” I said as I went up on my tiptoes to kiss his cheek.

It’s strange that these small acts of affection come so naturally when we both were shown so little of it growing up. Every time he kisses me I feel like a bolt of lightning goes through me and my body is awake. I think he feels it too because he is touching me at every opportunity; nothing inappropriate, obviously, but he will always hold my hand or wrap an arm around my shoulder.

As evening fell upon the town casting a golden hue across everything, I could hear the band next to the inn begin to play. I immediately grabbed Ben's hand and ran up to where people were dancing so we could join in.

I have danced a few times back at the base when we were celebrating a person's birthday or some big event, but I haven’t danced with Ben.

“I trust you can dance?” He said as he placed his hand on my lower back and we began to move.

“Of course I can,” I said indignantly, “I may not be up to your princely standards, but I can hold my own,” he chuckled slightly as he bent down to kiss me.

I don’t know how long we spent dancing together, talking, laughing and kissing, but by the time the stars were out, the band was on their last song. It was a slow, romantic one that Ben knew as he softly sang along. I had never heard it before but he knew every word as he looked into my eyes and sang.

Once it was over something in the air had changed. We were looking into each other's eyes when his lips caught mine in a deep, passionate kiss. I think I managed to mumble something along the lines of “room” as we went back to the inn.

Once the door was closed behind us I immediately began to remove his jacket and my boots. He did the same as me, removing the sleeveless overshirt I was wearing as he took off his boots. With what few senses I had about me at that time I ran over to the window to close the blinds, before returning to Ben.

When we were just in our underwear I found myself growing suddenly very self-conscious. I wasn’t sure if I wanted him to see everything. It’s silly I know, getting self-conscious at this point but I was worried that he would think my breasts were too small, or I was covered in too much hair.

Ben, of course, comforted me the whole time, telling me how beautiful I was. I know he was just being kind, but I appreciate it all the same.

Now Luna, I’m afraid I won’t be telling you every detail about what happens next (although I’m sure you can figure it out), but I can tell you some of the things he said and did I wasn’t sure I would even enjoy. In all the romances I have read I always found the dirty talk awkward to read and I decided that if a man ever said that to me I would push him off me and leave. Ben said some of the filthiest things I have ever heard in my life, and I loved every word.

The moment my breast band was off he immediately ducked his head down to latch his lips over my nipple. I didn’t even think that that was something people even did, but I enjoyed it all the same.

The act itself was painful in the beginning, but Ben was so patient and attentive, following what I wanted and by the end, I was really enjoying it.

“Ben,” I said, after we had finished, collapsed into an exhausted heap, “when we touched hands, what did you see?” It was a strange question to ask, especially if our visions were different.

“I saw us in bed, with a little girl lying between the two of us,” as he spoke he held me closer and kissed the top of my head.

“I dreamt that,” I said in astonishment, “years ago I had a dream of the two of us lying in bed as a little girl lies between us talking about her first day of school.”

“What about you?” He asked curiously, “what did you see?”

“I saw both of us on the Falcon, with a baby and Leia looking over us.”

“I dreamt that one as well.”

When it eventually came time to leave we both kissed goodbye and promised that we would meet again like this. We could both say that we feel something in the force and we could meet up at a secret location.

* * *

Dear Luna,

Despite both of our high profile statuses in our respective organizations, it’s very easy to stay anonymous when we meet up.

The problem, however, doesn’t lie with the worlds we go to, instead, it is within our respective organizations. Ben told me that he told one of his bodyguards that he got a virus when they walked in and saw him shirtless (happens a lot with that one apparently), covered in love bites. We laughed about it and I told him that my go-to is that I was attacked by insects.

The problem I'm facing is that people are starting to get suspicious about why I’m taking all these solo missions and running to ‘answer the call of the force’ all the time. I’m pretty sure that Rose has figured it out, although she hasn’t said anything yet, and I think that Finn and Poe are so wrapped up in each other I could have sex with Ben right under their noses and they wouldn’t notice.

Leia on the other hand, definitely knows. She called me into her rooms because she wanted a private meeting. I thought that it was to discuss my progress with the texts but instead, she said she wanted to talk about something personal.

“You’ve been gone a lot recently,” she said, sipping her tea as we sat by the window.

“Yes,” I said, feeling a shift in the force before an awkward silence ensued.

“How’s Ben?” And with that Luna, I choked on the tea I was sipping.

“What?” I said after a brief coughing fit.

“How’s Ben?” She said again very casually, “I know you’ve seen him recently so I was wondering how he was.” I knew that I couldn’t lie to her, so I decided that I was going to have to tell her the truth.

“Good…” I said cautiously and slightly terrified if I’m honest, anyone in the resistance knowing I was with Ben the whole time was bound to be bad, “how…”

“How do I know? Luke came to me in a dream not too long ago,” at this I blanched, the idea of him having seen everything we’ve done, and then telling Leia was mortifying, thankfully she quelled my fear, “don’t worry he didn’t go into detail, but he did mention that you had been going off to see a ‘boyfriend’. He was going to tell me who but I said that that was for you to say not him. He grumbled a bit but left it. I think he’s still smarting from when I found out about what happened at the temple.” I chuckled at that, Leia was known as someone who you do not want to make angry under any circumstances, “I truly had no idea who it was until you came back from your little trip to Takondana when I saw that your hair was braided in the old Alderaanie style to mean beloved. Now there is only one other person in this galaxy who knows that particular braid and it is my son.”

That was when I decided to tell her everything (well almost everything, there’s no way I’m telling her how good he is in bed), the force bond, the Supremacy, our meeting, everything. By the time I finished there was a watery sheen over her eyes and a red rim around them. Then I felt something strange in the force, hope. Hope for her son, for the galaxy and for herself.

She thanked me and then sent me away saying that she needed to process everything on her own.

When the force connected us I knew I had to tell him. The problem was that I didn’t really know how to tell him so I ended up just blurting out “your mother knows about us!” No preamble, no hello, just straight out with it.

“What!” Roared, killing his initially good mood.

“She knows about us. Luke came to her in a dream and mentioned I have a ‘boyfriend’ and she figured out it was you after Takondana. She recognized the braid you put into my hair when we were in the bath.” He began to shake his head as he slumped down into the chair next to my bed, “after that I told her everything, there was no point in lying, and I didn’t exactly want Luke’s ghost to give his version of events.”

“How did she react?”

“Well,” I said, as I went and sat on his lap and held him close as he rested his head against my chest, “she won’t tell anyone if you're wondering.”

“I know.”

We stayed like that until the bond ended.

* * *

Dear Luna,

Leia knowing about Ben and I is both a blessing and a curse.

It is a blessing because now whenever I go to see him she will defend my absence (one time she said to one of the really old generals “you wouldn’t question Luke if he had to run off, so don’t question Rey”) and play along with whatever story I had to tell. The curse comes in when she knows full well we’ll be having sex the whole time we’re together, and I have to look her in the eye when I get back.

The second curse is of course the fact that she has mentioned grandchildren a few times.

“These were my mother’s,” she said as she showed me images of some of the most beautiful dresses I had ever seen as we sat down for afternoon tea, “I always thought that if I had a daughter I would give them to her…I guess grandchildren will suffice.” I don’t think that she was trying to explicitly tell me that she wants grandchildren (it was probably just an innocent comment), but I do think that now she knows about Ben she feels more comfortable saying things like that. At least she does to me.

When I tell Ben this he just laughs.

“Every time I would braid her hair she would tell me that I need to know this skill so that I can do it on my daughter's hair,” he said chuckling. As he pulled me closer I couldn’t help but wonder how we could get to the point of having a child.

If I had one now I would have to keep it a secret, or else risk being thrown out or having them taken away from me because anyone who would have a child with Kylo Ren isn’t fit to be a mother in the first place. I know now is a horrible time to have one, but I couldn’t help but wonder what our child would look like if I got pregnant tomorrow.

“As long as they have your ears I’m happy,” he said sensing my train of thought, “but even if they didn’t I would still love them.” And with that, he kissed me and we both lay in bed until the bond faded away.

* * *

Dear Luna,

We have a problem.

Somehow someone managed to capture a picture of Ben and me when we met up on Chandrila two days ago. Thankfully you can’t see my face but it is obviously Ben in that picture when he was whispering in my ear something so dirty I’m blushing just thinking about it. It’s also a good thing that I have a whole wardrobe for our meetups (thank you Leia) that is completely different from what I wear around the base.

The headlines of course varied from journalist to journalist.

Supreme Leader seen out with secret lover.

Kylo Ren makes rare outing with new girlfriend.

Do we hear wedding bells? Ren spotted with secret lady love.

What Ren’s woman could mean for the rest of the galaxy.

Those were the headlines flying around the base all day as everyone tried to figure out who the girl in the picture was. It wasn’t long until the comments grew less curious and nastier.

Poe said “she must be at least as crazy as he is to see anything in that monster,” to me when we started to talk about it. Some others were calling her a whore as we all talked about it. I didn’t want to stay there while they said this but we were in a meeting and I had to attend seeing as I am the last Jedi.

It was agony to hear the venom that they were spouting about this woman in a picture. What was even more painful was some of the accusations about the couple, in general, being floated around. Leia didn’t go to the meeting and she asked me not to as well, but I wanted to go, maybe just so I could defend myself and also to see if anyone defended me.

“He’s probably threatening her family, I can’t see any woman wanting to be with that sack of shit.”

“Maybe he’s paying her.”

“She’s probably some social-climbing heiress who managed to fuck her way to the top.”

As the accusations kept flying I found it harder and harder to stay quiet as their words grew meaner.

“Maybe they actually love each other,” Rose said, causing a hush to fall over the room. For a moment everyone just looked at her not sure what to say to this radical idea that the fearsome Kylo Ren had a heart.

I was so grateful to Rose I thought that I would burst into tears on the spot. For the first time that day, I felt safe, safe from ridicule, safe from being vilified, I felt like I had an ally.

“And I know we can’t see her face,” she continued, “but from what I can see she looks fairly young, and I don't think it’s right to call a young girl a ‘whore’ just because of her choice in partner.” At that I felt a wave of guilt from almost everyone in the room, everyone except Poe.

Poe is a good man, but he feels very strongly about his beliefs and is not keen on changing his mind. He’s set in his course to hate her and it doesn’t look like he will be changing any time soon.

After the meeting I ran to my room so I could be alone for a bit, away from all the cruel words.

When the bond connected I ran into Ben's arms and cried.

“What are we going to do,” I asked. I didn’t need to say anything about what; he already knew.

“I don’t think we can keep seeing each other in person. This time they saw only your back but what about next time? What if they see your face? Then the whole galaxy knows and I couldn’t live with myself if I put you in that kind of danger.” I could feel his tears dripping onto the top of my head as I began to cry. I know it’s not the end, but I don’t want to keep wondering if and when I’ll see him again.

“What about you,” I sniffed, “you’ll be in danger as well.”

“Don’t worry about me,” he mumbled, “I’ll be just fine.”

As the bond closed I was left with a feeling of hollowness inside of me that I haven’t felt since my days in Jakku when I would think about my parents. I wasn’t left to wallow in sadness for too long though because Leia was outside my door.

“I just wanted to check to see that you were doing okay,” she said as she came in. When she sat down next to me on the bed she put her arm around me and pressed a datapad onto my lap.

“What is this?”

“It’s an article I found from the Coruscant Times,” she said, “you’ve been bombarded with tabloids and gossip so I thought that you deserved to read someone speak in your defence.”

“Thank you,” I said through a strained voice, I knew I should tell her that I won’t be seeing Ben for a while, but today is not that day.

“I know what it’s like. I’ve been in the public eye since I was born; I know how cruel people can get. Sometimes you need to see people in your corner, even if they are complete strangers.”

I am so glad she gave me the article. They actually defend me, instead of what the tabloids and Resistance were doing; calling me a social climber. The author made a similar argument to Rose, that I am young and shouldn’t be attacked for being in love.

That gave me the smallest sliver of hope.

* * *

Dear Luna,

In the weeks since the pictures were released and we found that we had to stop our meetings, Ben has been terribly stressed and miserable. In the beginning, it was because of our prolonged separation, something I was feeling as well, but recently he’s been led to believe that Hux may be planning something suspicious behind his back. This has made his stress even worse. He told me that he has gotten everyone loyal to him working to find out what he could be planning.

Our first guess was a coupe, and that is the most likely option. He’s been expecting something like this for a while now so it came to him as no great surprise when his bodyguard Emily said that Hux was acting suspiciously. He’s still been incredibly stressed.

The only thing to make everything easier is the fact that amongst the fleet, the news is mostly censored, so the troops don’t know about the pictures. Unfortunately, the higher-ups are not subject to that same degree of censorship.

And this is where I want to crawl away and hide forever.

Last night the bond connected and he was looking even more haggard than usual. That was when I had the bright idea to give him a blow job.

I thought I was being nice, and we have had sex through the bond so I know it can work.

Everything was going to plan. I was naked, he was in his boxers and I was kissing my way up his thigh, closer to his crotch.

Then he screamed, which scared me causing me to scream (thank the maker I decided to stay the night in the Falcon). Then I saw a man with short brown hair on the Falcon screaming.

We were like that for a while until Ben grabbed a pillow and roared, “what the hell is going on Alan?” Making me jump slightly.

“I heard a noise sir, with everything going on I wanted to check you were alright,” trembled the boy who couldn’t have been older than me. He stood there for a moment looking away before eventually speaking again, “Um sir I know it’s not really my place but can you give your lady friend something so she can cover herself?”

That was when I paled. I knew I could see him, but I thought that that was because of his proximity. I could also see objects close to Ben so at that moment I assumed that it counted with people as well.

“He can see me?”

“He can hear you too,” the stormtrooper called Alan said, “please miss.”

That was when I grabbed the blankets on the bed and wrapped them around me as fast as I could because it didn’t seem that the force had any intention of disconnecting us any time soon. When we said that it was safe for him to look I suddenly saw the look of recognition on his face.

“you're the Jedi! GL was right for once! Holy shit!” He shouted as Ben looked on in embarrassment.

We decided to explain everything to him seeing as he clearly deserved an explanation. He seemed a little confused at first but he agreed not to say anything to anybody.

Once he left, me and Ben turned to each other and started laughing. Mostly embarrassed but also slightly amused.

* * *

Dear Luna,

Today was one of the best and most painful days of my life.

It was early afternoon when we received a distress signal from an unknown First Order ship requesting to land. The base immediately went into battle mode, grabbing weapons and preparing to shoot the ship down. At first, we thought that we were under attack until someone pointed out that it was a single transport shuttle. It didn't make any sense until we received word that a coup had taken place and Kylo Ren was missing.

That was when everyone on the base began to go into meltdown. Leia and I knew already that it was him, not only could we sense him but we also decided to tell him where the base is. We knew that he wouldn’t organize an attack with the information.

For the first time since joining, I saw Leia pull rank and order them to allow the ship to land and told everyone not to fire on him. The higher-ups knew why, but many of the ground troops were confused but ultimately decided that she had her reasons so they weren't about to go against her (albeit strange from an outsider's perspective) orders. Then she said that she wanted to talk to him alone, making everyone around her suddenly concerned for her safety. That was when I said that I would be her bodyguard, “I've defeated him twice, so a third time shouldn't be an issue.”

When Poe left to go and bring Ben to us, Leia was immediately cornered about the wiseness of her decision to speak with her son privately, in a last-ditch effort to get her to change her mind. Leia's mind was set, although I was also worried about whether or not it was a good idea, whenever Ben mentions his past he always tries to avoid bringing up Han and Leia because of the pain it brings. It’s easier for him to speak about Leia, but Han is entirely off-limits. I was worried that if he can't even talk to me about them, how will he react to seeing his mother again when the ghost of Han would hang over them so.

“Everyone out,” I said as I felt Ben drawing closer. As they all left I asked Leia if she was sure about this. She told me that she was, so we waited until we heard a knock at the door.

“Ren, unharmed, just like you asked,” Poe spat out as they both walked into the room. Seeing him again was almost overwhelming, to the point where I thought that I would cry.

“Leave us, Poe,” she said as she stared down her son.

“Are you sure that's a good idea…”

“Poe if you don't go now I'll have you forcibly removed,” Leia shot back giving him a look that left no room for argument.

The moment Poe was gone I ran up to Ben and held him as close as possible as I could. He bent down and kissed me with such passion I thought I would melt on the spot.

“Are you alright?” I asked breathlessly as we broke apart and he ran his hand through my hair.

“I'm fine,” he said as he pressed his forehead against mine and for a brief moment, we forgot that Leia was in the room with us. We heard a throat clear and we both jumped apart.

Now Luna, I have seen the range of human emotions come across Ben’s face, but not once have I seen fear. I've seen regret and concern, but never fear.

“Mom…” he started as he approached her. However, he was cut off by a sudden slap to the face which reverberated around the room, “I guess I deserved that,” he quipped as he tried to soothe his cheek.

“Oh Ben,” Leia cried as she moved to embrace him. After a moment I heard one of them begin to sniff and I realized that they both were crying. At that point, I decided to step out of the room and give them some time alone.

After a while I could sense other members of the Resistance coming, we were only given an hour before he had to face everyone else. When I knew that the hour was up I snuck back in to give the appearance of a dutiful bodyguard. They were sitting and talking to each other, it was incredibly tense but far more amicable then I imagined it would be.

For a brief moment I wondered if my parents had come back for me what my reaction would be. I honestly haven’t thought about them for months, but seeing Ben reunited with his mother made me wonder how I would react. For the longest time, I thought that we would run to each other with open arms, but now I’m wondering if it would be tense and strained.

But then again I know that there is no use pondering as they never loved me. If Leia can find it within herself to forgive a son who killed his father, she must really love him. Mine sold me without a second thought.

As the rest of the Resistance high command piled into the room I felt suddenly very exposed as judging eyes looked on at the three of us.

That was when the meeting really began. Everyone was in agreement that Hux should not be allowed to rule and that we must work together, however, nobody was going to allow Hux to fall only for Kylo to rise from the ashes once again. Because of this, an agreement was reached.

Once Hux was gone, so was the First Order. Ben had to agree as he was backed into a corner, but he said only if they actually learned from the mistakes of the past.

“Now, if you’ll excuse me I’ll go get my security team and you can show me to my cell and them to their rooms,” Ben said as the meeting ended. A soldier was sent with him and that was when I had a brilliant idea.

“He can sleep on the Falcon,” I said as he left the room, causing all heads to turn to me in shock, “we can drain the fuel so he doesn’t fly away and I can stay with him and guard him. Like I said earlier, I’ve fought him before and the Falcon is pretty secure.” It was a complete impulse but I thought that it could work and there was a chance that they would agree. I noticed Leia trying to school her face when I began speaking.

“Yeah that sounds like a good plan,” Poe said surprisingly. It took all I had not to jump up and down and laugh with joy.

It also took Ben all he had not to jump up and down with joy when I told him the news.

The pain of course came from having to pretend throughout the day that Ben means nothing to me, and I mean nothing to him. I thought that I would be able to power through it but when we were around other people the cold stare he gave me felt like a punch to the stomach.

* * *

/p>

Dear Luna,

I feel like I’m leading a double life. More so than when I would sneak away and spend two days with Ben. Alone on the Falcon, we can be ourselves and happy, but when we’re out in public I’m supposed to feel indifferent.

We spend most of the days in meetings, discussing the inner workings of the first order and who might still be loyal to Ben. Alan, Bomb and Emily talked us through the stormtrooper program post Bens reformation. They said that they think most of the troopers will be on Ben's side as he has been giving them far more freedoms and has all but eradicated reconditioning.

It looks like the Resistance is slowly warming to Ben, especially after hearing Alan say, in private, that he was a good man. That didn’t convince them fully, but after being here for a week people’s opinions are starting to shift.

Rose has been especially warm since he got here, and even came and visited us on the Falcon.

She was surprisingly friendly with him as if he had never been the head of the organization her sister gave her life to fight against. At first, Ben was slightly suspicious but eventually managed to relax.

“So,” Rose said, “I know that this is a weird question to ask but those pictures from a few months ago, the girl in them, is she your girlfriend?” Ben's eyes widened and I felt myself going red slightly. Thankfully she was looking at him.

“Yes, she is,” he said.

“Who is she?” She pressed.

“Somebody I met a little over a year ago. I do want some privacy in my personal life.”

“Okay,” she said, now behaving more suspiciously, “and there’s nobody else? Nothing on the side at all?”

“What?”

“Well it’s just that I’m wondering if she knows about you kissing Rey behind the hanger last night.”

Shit.

We sat there for a moment in silence. Ben had assured me that nobody would see us and I just shrugged off the signatures of other people as being people inside the hanger. I felt Rose's presence but I thought that she was inside working on one of the ships.

The moment the words left her mouth I went bright red as she looked between the two of us.

“If you're wondering how I saw, I was heading to check the fuse box at the back because I heard that there had been some flickering of lights inside the hanger, and there the two of you were,” she explained, “that just confirmed my suspicions.”

“What?” I said.

“I had figured that you had some secret relationship with all the solo missions to answer the 'call of the force’. When I saw the pictures I recognized the outfit you were wearing when you got back from your trip. Also, you looked incredibly uncomfortable in the meeting after the pictures came out.” She explained, “don’t worry nobody else knows and I won’t say anything.” That little assurance was all it took for me to relax, although Ben was still tense.

Once Rose had left I instinctively moved to where Ben was seated and placed my head on his shoulder.

“We need to tell people,” I said as he reached for my hand.

“Yeah we do,” and with that, he kissed my head and we got ready for bed.

* * *

Dear Luna,

The idea of telling people sounds much easier than it actually is. We knew that we had to do it, but we didn’t know how.

There’s some comfort in Leia and Rose knowing and being okay with it, but the idea of the hateful glares I would receive from Poe and others kills me.

All last night every time I thought about telling everyone I felt sick to my stomach like I would throw up. The real fear lies in the knowledge that nobody will want to speak to me. I was worried that they would look at me like I’m traitor scum, lower than dirt.

I was worried that Finn, my best friend, would look at me with only disgust and anger.

We both agreed that Alan, Bomb and Emily would be there with us. The three of them knew and were supportive so we would have that added layer of safety. Nobody would try and attack us but it did help to know that there were going to be five people who were supportive of us there.

As everyone walked into the hanger, weapons were taken away from people, despite protests. Leia had to give a few people stern looks, which encouraged people to comply.

“Now you're all probably wondering why we called you here,” I began trying not to let my voice tremble, “and we will explain but I have to ask you refrain from asking questions until we have finished.” As I spoke the scripted words I could feel the confusion like a tidal wave from the entirety of the Resistance.

From there I explained everything, the bond, the throne room, Yavin IV and the eventual love. By the end, you could have heard a pin drop. Ben said that he could speak as well but they wouldn’t believe it if it came from anyone else but me.

“Any questions?” I said before the whole room exploded. As the heckles grew louder I stayed frozen in place, too scared to move. Eventually Ben had to pull me away from the podium as Leia stepped up to quiet them all down.

“Why?” Poe asked, sounding pained once everyone had quietened down, “why Rey? Why him?”

“I love him,” I confessed, and it simultaneously felt like a weight had been lifted and added to my shoulders. There was a stoicism behind his eyes that I’ve never seen before. After that, he couldn’t look at me.

He avoided eye contact, and me all together. most of the other resistance members kept their distance from me and Ben.

Rose and the troopers stayed with us most of the day to keep us company, and Ben's security team seems to be keeping to their old schedule of following him around.

It’s a strange feeling, to be hated. To be looked on in disgust for simply loving someone. Oddly enough, it does feel freeing in a way, to not have to pretend that you’re somebody else. I can love Ben openly and not be afraid of everyone finding out.

Finn’s taking some time to process everything but appears to be more willing to accept it.

Things did appear more amicable after the latest meeting with the Resistance when Ben said that Alan, Bomb and Emily’s helmets all had recording devices in them which were stored there. The idea was to see what they had heard so that they could shed some light on our planned attack on the First Order. At this, Alan went pale.

Emily’s recordings managed to give us a better idea of which generals would be on Ben’s side and which ones would turn at the last moment to save their own skins.

Bombs were able to capture the general mood of the stormtroopers.

Alan’s on the other hand were recordings of mine and Ben’s conversations throughout the force bond.

“Why the fuck did you record our conversations, Alan?” Ben roared when it began to play. At first, I was also angry but I felt something in the force shift. As Ben and I spoke and declared our love for each other, the people around us started to seem more understanding of each other. I guess seeing us as a regular couple helped to rationalize it in their minds.

After that everything was warmer- not over joyous- but not as icy as before.

* * *

Dear Luna,

The plan was simple, infiltrate the First Order, find those loyal to Ben and encourage them to rise up against Hux.

It began as the X-wings started their bombardment of the Finalizer’s weapons systems, taking out as many TIE Fighters as they could in the process. While that was going on someone managed to hack into the ship's speakers to allow Ben to make his speech, calling those who support him to arms.

Once we were in everything seemed to still for a moment, as if the whole fleet was hanging on to every word he said. In the speech he promised freedom to choose your own fate, stating that the stormtroopers could leave the program if they chose to.

In the moment of calm when a battlefield hung onto every word he said, we managed to get the shields down long enough for the ground troops to land in the hanger to begin fighting. When we stepped out we saw the First Order was already at war with itself, with those supportive of Ben painting the shape of his saber onto their arms so they could distinguish from friend and foe. Ben and I immediately joined the fight, deflecting blaster bolts and pushing assailants out of the way.

Our mission was simple: kill Hux.

Our traversing through waves of stormtroopers was brought to an abrupt end with the entrance of the Knights of Ren. Ben has mentioned before how little he trusts them, but the pure hate I saw in his eyes the moment they stepped into the battle, scared me a little.

“So Kylo,” one of them said as they began to surround us, “you've finally shown your true colours after all. Have you enjoyed playing house with your little Jedi whore?” Thankfully Ben refused to take the bait. He may not be fully dark, but he knows how to use his anger to his advantage.

“We should have killed her on Jakku when we found her,” said another, as they all began circling us.

They continued to taunt Ben and me, trying to rattle us. There were a few times when I thought that it would work, but he remained stoic as ever.

“Enough talking,” Ben said, twirling his saber with a flourish, “do you want to fight me or do you want to bore me to death?”

And at that the fight began. It all went by in a blur of swords and jumps. The whole hanger was watching us as we struck each other. Ben received a few wounds, spurring me on to hurry up and kill the bastards. It was like we were in the throne room again, only instead of the praetorian guard, it was six highly trained individuals, skilled with the dark side.

Eventually we managed to kill them all, leaving them on the floor of the hangar as we rushed off to try and find Hux. As we continued to search we began to realize that the battle was turning in our favour and that Hux would probably try and find an escape. Sure enough, there he was trying to grab an escape pod on the third floor.

Before he could get in, Ben used the force to close the pod up and lock it so Hux wouldn’t be able to escape. As he turned around to face us he looked utterly undone. His collar was uneven, his hair was a mess and there was a crazed look in his eyes. We ignited our sabres when he ran out into the corridor to try and escape us.

We chased after him until we had him cornered like a rat.

“Don’t take another step closer,” he said as he pulled something out of his breast pocket, “in my hand I have a button that if pressed, will send a signal to the ship's engines that will make them overpower, and blow this ship to pieces.” He sounded manic as he spoke like he was almost excited to press it.

“The battles over Hux,” Ben said carefully as if any sudden movements could kill us all, “surrender to us and live.”

“To be executed?” He quipped, “no, no, I’d much rather see you fall with me Ren.”

And with that he pressed the button before either of us could stop him. For a moment we stood there waiting for death, but nothing happened. Hux pressed it again, but nothing happened. As he kept pressing it became obvious that it was a dud.

With a sigh Ben ignited his saber and killed him in one swift blow. It was a bit of an anti-climax if I’m being honest. I expected there to be more of a fight, but the knights went down easily and Hux was dealt with by a simple decapitation.

“Is that it?” I asked as we walked to the bridge to announce Hux’s death and Resistance victory.

“Well none of the other generals on his side would be able to maintain enough support to keep them in power. We would have a new supreme leader every month,” he said as we entered the bridge. Everyone in there immediately stood up as we entered, “habit,” he brushed off as he walked saber in one hand, and Hux’s head in the other.

There was a scream of horror when Ben threw the head into the middle of the room as he approached the intercom to announce victory.

After that officers who were allied with Hux were arrested and preparations were made for stormtroopers who wanted to leave.

Ben and I decided to stay onboard the Finalizer during the transition period because he wanted to head it and I wanted to be with him and help in any way I can. I came back to base to pick up any personal items before joining him. As I said goodbye to everyone Poe approached me for the first time in two weeks.

“Rey,” he said cautiously, “I know you're going to join R-Ben, and I just wanted to say I’m sorry. I’m sorry about how I treated you, you’re my friend and I should have trusted you and your judgment. You love each other, that’s all that really matters.” And with that Luna, I crashed into him and gave him the tightest hug we’ve ever had. In the weeks since revealing my relationship with Ben, Poe has been the coldest towards me, but his apology, although it doesn’t forgive everything, was a step forward that I am so grateful for.

Once I arrived back on the Finalizer I was greeted by Ben who walked up to me and kissed me. Doing it out in the open was still strange but in a good kind of way, like you know that it’s the start of something new.

And with that Luna we come to an end. I can only see many years of hard work ahead of us, and your pages are running out. So without further ado, goodbye Luna, I will miss you.

Love Rey

* * *

Dear Luna,

It’s been twelve years since we last spoke and tomorrow I am sending you to the Third Republic Historical Archives to be kept for generations of history students to pour over as they examine my life, so for the sake of you and them, I thought that I would fill you in on my life.

Three months after the war ended Ben and I got married on his grandmother’s lakeside estate on Naboo. After that peace negotiations ensued, with Leia and Ben at the forefront.

During the negotiations, Rose met one of the First Orders Junior officers, Lieutenant William Dacer who immediately swept her off her feet in a whirlwind, holo worthy romance. Finn and Poe got married a week before the negotiations ended, in a very private ceremony on Coruscant.

Not long after the war two of Ben’s bodyguards, Bomb and Emily got married, making them the first former stormtroopers to do so. Alan on the other hand took a little while longer to find someone, but he and Celia are both very happy now.

Ben is still working on his relationship with his mother, although they have been able to bond over their love of Diana, our five-year-old daughter. In Ben’s eyes, she can do no wrong, and I have a feeling that he’s going to be like that with baby number two in about three months' time.

After the war officially ended we decided to open a school for force-sensitive children. It’s just like any other school, only with Ben and I teaching them how to control their powers using both the dark and light on top of teaching them how to read and write. We make sure that everyone goes back to their families during holidays, and thanks to Ben's hard work while he was Supreme Leader, even orphans have somewhere safe to go.

Thats it really, everyone I know is married with kids and we are all happy.

Sometimes I wake up thinking that I dreamt up the last twelve years, but then I feel Ben's arms around me and Diana crawl into our bed, and I know that it is real.

Singing off, forever,

Rey Solo

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading! i hope you enjoyed it and remember, mi trying to learn so constructive criticism is always welcome

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading. i hope you enjoyed it and any constructive criticism would be much appreciated.


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